Fake News Story

November 25, 2016- In Newark, Delaware there was a robbery at 10:30 am. The incident occurred at the Christiana Mall with many witnesses present. The police were promptly notified and those who witnessed the event stayed behind to give statements.

The robber, a 12-year old girl, was attempting to steal a 12 pack of earrings from Claire’s. After sneaking the pack into her purse, she calmly exited the store, witnesses say, but the small security tag on the back of the package caused the alarms to beep persistently. Terrified, the teen attempted to claim that she thought she had already paid for them, but most witnesses claim that the girl was not innocent. Wearing her converse sneakers and sweater dress, she was clearly a terrifying sight for any who had to be present during the event.

“I just didn’t know what to do,” Lia Marshall stated, shaking profusely. “I’ve always known there are cut-throat, sociopathic people out in the general public, but I never thought that I would have to witness one of their heinous crimes… I mean, earrings? Of all things to steal, she had to choose the deadliest option…”

Although the police arrived promptly after the security alarms beeped, the shaken witnesses and workers found it troubling to relay what had occurred.

“When my coworkers and I arrived at the scene, I immediately knew I had to call for backup. I could see the murderous scene, and it was something I knew would stay with me forever,” policeman Anderson reported.

Although the police ultimately decided to call the teen’s mom and the store was not pressing charges, everyone present at the incident is seeking medical attention. 67% of witnesses are claiming to have PTSD, saying that they break down crying whenever they see the glow of an earring. Some of the police present are shaken too, with over half of them taking time off to be with family during this tough time.

“These times are when people need to surround themselves with family,” an anonymous witness expresses. “It’s really great to see the community come together and support all of us who were emotionally damaged by this.”

The teen has expressed remorse and her parents have come out with an apologetic statement.

“We were unaware that our daughter would even be capable of something this abominable,” her mother, Melissa, stated. “We have sent her to a mental institution, and we are optimistic about her recovery. After her three month stay, she will be attending a military school, so none of the victims have to see her again. We greatly apologize for the damage she caused...it was never our intention to raise a monster.”

The public has responded with love and support for the parents of the deplorable teen, due to the great action they have taken to ensure their daughter no longer harms society. Some have called this “the worst Newark has seen,” while others remain slightly optimistic, claiming she could have started the downfall of society, but luckily she did not.

The police would like to remind people to remain calm, ensuring the public that they are doubling up on the number of patrols in the Christiana Mall. For now, people are warned to keep an eye out for any other monstrous individuals.

Behind the Scenes: A Cheater

Okay, listen, cheating may be looked down upon, but you have to give me credit for how much work it takes to keep up! It takes a certain level of talent in order to properly keep up with two boyfriends.
Texting can be complicated...on more than one occasion, I have replied to one boy with "you too" after he asked "what's up?" Flirting while responding quickly to two boys is almost impossible, as they want instant, perfect replies. It's hard enough to do this with one boy, let alone two! Luckily, they're both totally in love with me...I mean, who wouldn't be?

Dates are by far the hardest. How do I explain calling Chad "Brian" while seductively sharing a strawberry milkshake!? "Sorry, Chad, that's the name of my new fish that we keep in my basement so you'll never see him..."

Sometimes, to be more efficient, I'll go on two dates at once! We will meet up in the movie theater, and I just alternate between the two films. The only issue with this is that they probably think I have severe bowel issues when I'm gone for 15 minutes at a time...

The best part of having two men lust over me is the constant shower of gifts and compliments. I get double the Christmas gifts and double the love. Honestly, it would be perfect to have like 5 boyfriends. I would have no problem finding 3 more men to date (I could get any guy I want, watch out ladies), but juggling 2 is hard enough.

The most awkward part is making out with them. Chad is obviously the better kisser BY FAR, so while kissing Brian, all  I can think about is Chad. Brian doesn't notice though, because my attractiveness and amazing lips conceal any of my deeper, real feelings...if I even have any haha.

Election

I expected the outcome of the election, yet I was still baffled when the results were released. I have no problems with people having their own political opinion, because that is the basis of a democracy. However, I am still shocked at just how many people would support a sexist, racist man. Regardless of people identifying as Republican due to economic policy beliefs or governmental involvement restrictions, people who voted for Trump must hold prejudice to a degree. Women have been fighting constantly to gain more rights and to be equal to men, yet now we have a president that CONSTANTLY and PUBLICLY says sexist remarks. Not only does he say the remarks, but he will also DEFEND his actions, furthering his innate sexism. Such a president will influence citizens into thinking treating women the way he does is acceptable, which could destroy the progress women have made thus far. Trump doesn't just comment about women; he also targets immigrants. Do people forget when he called Mexicans rapists and suggested we put Muslims into "camps" for national security? What about when he said, "laziness is a trait in blacks"? Such comments were somehow overlooked by American citizens, which is a horrifying discovery. What's next for America? He's pushed the envelope farther than I ever could have imagined, but the scary part is how many people agree. You are not welcome if you are not a white male (being rich helps, too).

Waiting

Now that the November 1st deadline has passed, all students can think about is December 16th, the day we find out if we are rejected, deferred, or (hopefully) accepted. I have never really been a patient person, so waiting for December  16th is already driving me crazy. My application is submitted with my essays, my letters of recommendation are waiting for review, and my transcript has been sent. Everything I have ever done has been a step toward the final goal of college, and now I get to see if my hard work and dedication has been beneficial. I need to know if it was worth it, if I can look back and know that my work meant something. December 16th will tell me that. Until then, all I can do is wonder.